Can you believe this shit?

Look what’s in my wallet:

Saved mementos of mine,

A couple of dimes,

A movie stub from our first date,

A license from another state,

A CPR card to use at will—

But no fuckin dollar bills!

I thought being a grown up

Was being able to afford stuff, so

I might deal drugs oh oh

I might deal drugs

A golden ticket in a chocolate bar,

Bob Barker yelling, “you got a new car!”

A “Silver Spoons” train going through the living room—

Somehow I thought I’d get that shit too

But like George Bailey said:

I’m worth less alive than dead.

MBNA don’t want the former

They’re prob’ly plotting my murder.

Need to collect cans from the trash

To build a coin stash or

I might deal drugs oh oh

I might deal drugs oh oh

And it might be just money, honey

but ain't it funny, honey?

That I need a Medici family?

When the rapper Ice-T said:

“It’s about the dope and dead presidents”

I never understood what he meant,

But now it’s starting to make sense.

A metro card costs two dollars?

This city’s got me by the collar.

When people talk about 401-Ks

I make sure to look the other way.

The world’s oldest profession now don’t seem out of the question.

I might deal drugs

I might deal drugs

I might deal drugs